New SouthPark Order

Surgically extracted, pulsing and dripping, from the RogueList

Rated M

Maggie, Lord Of The Mountain:

On Tue, 21 Oct 1997, Stone Cold JOE AUSTIN wrote:

> Good idea, Mr. Zen! I vote that our moderator should be Maggie! After all, she did start this "Rogue List" thingy anyways! HA HA HA HA! -Joe

ME????????????  You're just being a little pigf*cker now!!  But, if you want, I can come up with a few "rules":

1. Please don't post itty bitty one liners.  They were annoying on the CC list, and they were annoying on the other list, and they'll be annoying here, too.

2. I, for one, am not going to limit profanity, sexually explicit stuff, or anything like that.

3. Finally, we are not a ROUGE list, we are a ROGUE list (Sorry, I have to obey mommy here!)

4. One last thing:  Please keep in mind I am NOT responsible for this. Joe created the monster; I just feed it.

There.  That's about the extent of my "moderatorly duty".  I can't even figure out how to download something, and you sweater knitting pigf*ckers want me to moderate this!  (Well, one particular sweater-knitting pigf*cker, at least)  I hope you're happy.

Stone Cold Joe Austin:

Hey, All-Spice (Maggie) is now forming the US division of the Spice Girls, and it's called The Spice Persons (USA)!!! By the way, All-Spice is the leader, and in charge of all the dance choreography. In other words, she created this group, and feeds this group also. (Maggie, don't forget my King Crab Leg Pizza and brown M&Ms—I will trash the studio if I find a different M&M color in my dish!)

So, send in your "Spice Person" applications to All-Spice, no later than 11pm EST tomorrow night! Join All-Spice (Maggie), Old-Spice (Me), and the evil Anti-Spice! There's only a couple more slots left to fill, before we, The Spice Persons, kick off our tour in Great Britain! "So, tell us what you want, what you really, really want... You wanna wha?"

The UnderTommer:

Based on information he got from Webster's Dictionary, Jeremy Owen wrote:

> So a White dwarf is a large Reptillian animal that likes to eat little birds called sharks.  K?

Read what you're writing! A White Dwarf Star is actually an albino house plant created by nuclear fusion. The large reptillian animal you describe is a manatee, which, as a whole, are friendly and intelligent on Ritz with some cream cheese.

But then again, Eric Cartman is "diminuitive in stature", he's caucasian, and we all know who he is... that makes HIM a white dwarf star. A BIG star. Or big-boned, anyway.

And then Volt, Lord of His Ass says 'Hi'... now that Certain Unnamed Rogues know who he is, he'll find himself descended upon by swarms of angry superpenguins, led by fearless quarterback Maggie Testaverde, 1st round draft pick from South Park Elementary, who played for Tampa Bay because they wore orange. No, red. No, orange. And they had manatees.

So if YOU'RE heading down to South Park, take all your dead Kennys and take your VISA card. 'Cause at South Park, they don't take any shit, and they DON'T take American Express.

who loves to SINGA! We had a bash when we watched M*A*S*H* because of KLINGA!

P.S. My favourite part of Pinkeye was seeing Cartman's mom on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. That made me hot! It made me think of Maggie— THAT way. Half-dressed in a Nazi uniform, candy-apple burgundy hair all cascading down her back, smoking crack with some mailman in my dad's bed...

Inspired, I came up with this:

Dona Nobis Pacem
Means that I love you so...
E Pluribus Unum
More than you'll ever know.
Bathed in Maple syrup
Rain from the sky above...
You'll always be
My fantasy
My Maggistrate of Love.

   —The Manatee Troubadour

Maggie, Lord Of The Mountain:

Wow, now that was cool. I especially liked the line about pancakes, it evoked a very foody type of feeling in me that I haven't had since breakfast last Sunday morning, I wonder why.

Anybody else think the other list officially sucks, its just a bunch of tightasses (present company excluded) complaining about the lack of Southpark-related posts (as if they are posting Southpark related things, BULL---SHIIIIT!). The list is DEAD and (according to my calculations) will be deserted by New Years, but its nice to watch it crumble to pieces before my very eyes, while the rogue list thrives (HAHAHAHA--a tad maniacally). Don't fret though, you've still got SP chat (which I'll check into soon, if possible), and of course Outlaw Rogue Rouge List.

   -Maggie O

Mr. Zen:

And finally has anyone noticed lately that whenever Maggie Testa-insert-snide-remark-here mistypes a word it always happens to be with an O, whats up Maggs, is there a strange attraction to the O key.

Mr Zen
The Impotent
Who lately hasn't had much time on his hands, but he just happened to notice the mistyping pattern

The UnderTommer:

Nancy Furey wrote:

So, anyway, I talked to my boyfriend last night and..... he respectfully requests to become one of the members.

I've found out my browser only Replies to ten addresses, so some unfortunates have missed my parablic odes and wise words. Which in this case are:

NO! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

First Maggie gets me all hot, like the flames in my heart that are the color of her hair, or the color the leaves on my Maple tree WOULD have been before it broke in half (and yet wasn't consumed, like my heart, which I'd hope nobody would consume anyway). But no, her hair's the candy apple metalflake burgundy red (no, orange, no, red), a color that looks great on a hot rod '34 Woody (and speaking of looking great on my woody...)

THEN she says she won't wear pink Spandex Ballet tights (and speaking of pink...), but will wear black (the color of my heart. No, my soul, which is the inky blackness of a moonless night). That was okay, 'cause her black tights would look good with half a Nazi uniform (and only half).

But then turns out she's talking to some guy I don't even know in my dad's bed, and smoking crack with this mailman who I'm sure has NO manatee blood in him whatsoever, in a mad effort to make me jealous. Hey, I never brought my girlfriend into this, and if she wanted me to let her post, I'd be all like, "Hey, missy, get back in the kitchen and make me a sweater pot PAH before I slap a hooby-jube up yo' butt!"

Lord of the TesterBitches makin' me mad (insert .wav here of Cartman throwing fits). That bad itch! Destroying my fantasy...

Feel like makin' BA-DUMP, DUH!
Feel like makin' BA-DUMP, DUH!

(And all like et cetera from Bad Company).

So Maple Spice tenders his tenders, I mean, resignation from the band. No more Mister Spice Guy... no more Mister Splee-ee-ee-EEN! The UnderTommer is back, venting his wrath alongside his stinky clone "BaChooeyBacca" and all fear those hordes of Killer Manatees (which were just African Manatees until they were genetically spliced with domestic manatees), who swarm fiercely and sting you on the inside of your ass.

(Kendra's here? Good day!) I'm a save my half a Nazi uniform for Kendra. By the way, she's a lovely creature that lives in this VERY town, and can verify that all the trees are broken. Which reminds me of a song (no! no singing! stop that!):

All the trees are gone
And the skies are grey...
I started my new job
On this very day...
La la la la La-laaa (forgot the words)
Dum de dumdum day (forgot those, too)
California Dreamin'
Doo de do doo doo... aw, hell with it.

You've been listening to AlienRock 29, the Wedge. Moooo!

   —The UnderTommer (who's out of his mind with Furey)

Maggie, Lord Of The Mountain:

Yeah, Tom's latest poem certainly proved...interesting.

I have to ogree, the moiling list is certainly doteriorating to nothingness, especoally since its major postors are now sending stoff through this rogue list. Ond, Mr. Zen, I don't know whot you're talking about. I rorely ever make a spolling mistake, and I don't thonk I have EVOR usod an "O" whero it shouldn't be!!!!!


Sharon Singleton:

Dammit, Jeremy C. I wanted to be the next Spice Person. l want the Blue M & M's if they're not taken or Green if they are, and I want Emu meat and Manatee Jerky on my Pizza. l'll wear nothing but shaving cream on my body, so l can get arrested when it dissolves. I want to be called Hot & Spicy.

Ma-Ma-Ma My Sharona

The UnderTommer:

Mark Tangard wrote:

> On Wed, 12 Nov 1997, KyleC wrote:

> > TV Guide did a poll a few years back and found that 50% of American TV
> > viewers consider themselves Star Trek fans.
> Um, supposedly 50% of American males in their 20s mast*rbate regularly too
> (and apparently lots of them have genital herpes), but we don't usually talk
> about those subjects here.  IMO it's not about justifying a topic's inclusion
> by the percentage of people who are presumed to enjoy it.  Otherwise we could
> expect all kinds of unrelated stuff here, from sports scores to music reviews.

The S.F. 49ers have clinched the NFC West. The Nebraska Cornhuskers are undefeated. And in Music news... Hanson bad. Janis Joplin good. Spice Girls bad. Spice Persons good. Manatees best.

> 2 How was Tyler's post any less relevant than the SPWF?
> (Also, the SPWF discussions, which for many of us were a
> complete waste of mailbox space and download time, were formally *barred* > from the list after a while, so you can't exactly draw a parallel there.)

Hey now! Our little SPWF Rogue List is much more cozy & personable than any of the others. Although not elitist, it is small & comfortable. While not exclusive, it's become... select. This Spirit List can only discuss three and a half hours of animation. The Rogue e-mailings are about us SP FANS, a much broader topic. I expect the number of times I post to THIS list to continue to decline. We have met the enemy and they is us, so now we's friends and hang out together and stuff.

By barring the SOUTH PARK W. F., Jesus & pals has also barred numerous hilarious and entertaining posts. You've missed:

The Flight of the Manatee (a moving story of one mammal's attempt to break a world record)

A steel-ball match between Lord of the Mountain (with Karate-action Patrick Duffy leg) and Stone Clod Joe Austin (a man barely alive)

Hordes of genetically-engineered superpenguins that rescued the slaves from Napoleon in 1492.

The debut of the Spice Persons in their original form. Spice Persons don't recruit new members. They abduct them. Watch out. Moo, moo moo.

Show-and-tell day, where Jermy Cannon brought his fish and foxes.

Death entering the ring on a pale tricycle.

Maggie dumping me for her Visitor friend. Yeah, THEY get to make sweet love by the fire. I get to wax the manatees. And they're NOT fat, they're big-boned. Ever SEE a manatee bone? I rest my case.

Mall appearances by mah mom, who was selling the South Park sweater.

The South Park sweater. There shall be only one. Manatee-sized, it was created to be the first in a long line of clothingwear. But the South Park underwear sells better: "Goddammit! Why does everything today involve something either going into, or coming out of, or covering up, my ass?"

The Sweatshop Kids— Kathie Lee's version of the "Up With People" group.

The cageball matches, which usually end with a ring full of raving lunatics, penguins (the ugly Adelaide ones), some dude in a zoot suit and a cow. Moo. Moo, moo.

The evil Anti-Kenny. Kenny Z. Bubb.

Topical creams made from manatees FOR manatees.

A bizarre and yet strange appearance by Dog from Alaska, who'd BETTER not be listening on the extension...

The SPWF is now on tape. Narrated by Constance Velocity, this 60-minute video features archival footage never before seen by any S'Parkie.

Okay, so maybe a Hanson Pez dispenser IS a little off-topic. But they can sure be fun! I've instructed my manatees to avoid and remain attendant to the spirit.floridian.waterways discussions. We're more like a group of friends hanging out together outside the doors of the South Park meeting hall so we can smoke.

Mom, if anybody from the list comes over, I'm not here, Kay?
Eric, look who's here.
Get a grip, mom.
Come on, Eric. We're gonna go post to the mailing list.
I can't, my mom said...
That's okay, Eric, I think you need to go spend time with your little friends.
But mom, I don't WANT to spend time with my little friends.
Don't be difficult, Eric! Now you go out and post in the fun cyberspace.

> A mailing list is supposed to provide & enhance topical *focus*, not be a
> place to dissipate boredom or "pass the time."  Do you think a long South
> Park thread would be well received on a Star Trek mailing list??

There are hundreds of hours of Star Trek in existence. And only a few hours of South Park. I've seen EVERY episode of South Park, a few times. I've visited websites, I've subscribed to lists. How the hell're you gonna enhance my topical focus? And I thought this thing was all about "passing the time". God knows it's not making me any money, and I'm not learning anything from it. This list has only one ass; it's no use to me. I'll have to burn my computer.

Maggie! Penguin's being a dill-doe! (Well, I know a certain Visitor who's sleeping with Moggie tonight—)

Screw you guys. I'm going home.

   —Captain UnderTom of the S'Parkship Manatee